Getting Started: 4 Things You Need To Know
1) Preventing Child Sexual Abuse is Always an Adult Responsibility
The Body Safety Songs don’t teach kids to protect themselves. They teach kids to recognize what is unsafe and to get help so that YOU can protect them. Although the songs do teach kids exit strategies, safety rules, and how to say no, ultimately children are not responsible for being able to assert themselves. Their task is to tell you. Part of your task, then, is to make it easier for them to come to you, believe them, and then protect them. Teach them to resist, but remember, it’s not their fault if they don’t say no, or if they don’t tell right away. Their job is to just be kids, your job is to protect them.
2) Almost all Child Sexual Abuse Occurs When a Child is Alone With the Abuser
Abusers will seek opportunities to be alone with the child. Whether its the offer of a ride home, a one-on-one coach/music/dance/interview session, a sleepover, or simply playing behind closed doors, etc. The surest way to prevent abuse is to prevent kids from being alone with an abuser. But abusers aren’t readily recognizable, any situation where a child is alone with an adult, alone with an older or more powerful child (physically, intellectually, or socially), alone with internet access, or at an overnighter, it is a higher risk situation.
3) 93% of Abusers are Someone the Child Knows, Trusts and May Even Love.
Let your kids know that you are their helper. If something unsafe is happening to them, you will help it stop. If someone is breaking the body safety rules, you will help everyone keep the rules so everyone can be safe. In conversations, avoid making kids feel that you will punish them or even the abuser if they tell you. 60% of the time, the abuser is an older child who also needs help. Reassure your kids that you are there to help everyone stay safe. Because you love them.
4) Connection IS Protection; “Get Curious Not Furious”
Healthy Connection = Protection. Kids with secure attachments, a strong sense of self worth, and involved parents are less likely to be targeted for abuse. They are more likely to feel like they can tell a parent if something inappropriate does happen, and they have more resilience to the effects of trauma. Some ways to cultivate this include together time, listening, validating the child’s feelings and experiences, keeping promises, praising effort instead of outcome, and avoiding shame. Likewise, responding with thoughtfulness and support instead of reacting with anger, panic or accusation will make it easier for kids to seek you out when they have a problem (especially if they feel responsible for the problem, which abusers teach them to believe). “Get curious, not furious“
Key Talking Points of Each Song
Each Body Safety Song can start a variety of “tiny talks” with your child. These conversations don’t need to cover every topic all at once. As kids listen to the lyrics and ask questions, or as concepts come to your mind, bring them up as brief, frequent interactions in day to day life, creating a culture of openness around this topic. Below is a list of each song with some of its key talking points.
Tell! Tell! Tell!
Quick Overview: Let This Song Start A Conversation With Your 3-11 Year Old About Secrets vs Surprises vs Privacy:
🚩”Always tell if someone says to keep a secret”
✅Discuss the difference between secrets, surprises, privacy Our family doesn’t keep secrets
✅Surprises: Something we are excited about sharing, that will make someone happy, but we are waiting for a specific, fun event.
🚩Secrets: Something that we hide from parents/teachers/ people who love us and take care of us. We don’t keep secrets.
🚩Body safety secrets: Any secret that involves someone breaking body safety rules.
✅Privacy: Something that is personal and belongs to us, like who our crush is, the contents of our journal, the password on a device, or the garage code, etc.
🚩”Safe adults don’t ask you to hide things from your parents”
🚩”Safe babysitters don’t ask you to hide things from your parents”
✅”You will NEVER be in trouble for telling me about secrets or about someone breaking body safety rules”
✅”If you’re not sure if its a secret, a surprise, or something private, you can talk to me and I’ll help you figure it out.”
✅”If you tell me someone is touching you in an unsafe way I will believe you, no matter who it is”
✅”I love you & want to keep you safe”
✅”You can tell me about anything that makes you feel worried or uncomfortable, no topic is off limits”
✅”If you ever do try to tell and I don’t listen well, please try again. I really do want to know and I want to help you”
✅”You are not responsible for my emotions and I can handle anything you tell me.” (Practice responding in a way that doesn’t make the child feel they have upset you and instead helps them feel they can trust you with any topic. “Get Curious, Not Furious”)
My Body, My Rules!
Quick Overview: Let This Song Start A Conversation With Your 3-10 Year Old About Consent. Talk about:
✅”You’re body belongs to YOU. You are the boss of your own body and I am the boss of mine.”
✅”You can say no to any unwanted touch, no matter who is initiating it. You don’t have to be polite to someone who isn’t listening to No”
✅”Other people can say no to your touch too. You need to listen to them too and they do not have to be polite if you don’t listen when they say no to unwanted touch.”
✅”You can ask before hugging someone and can refuse hug requests from others, even grandma
✅”You can change your mind about wanting or not wanting touch (hugs, tickles, roughhousing) and so can other people
✅”You can tell me if you are afraid to say no, or if anyone is not listening to “No” and I will help you”
✅Practice saying “No” and listening to each other
✅Practice offering other options for greeting someone, like a handshake, high-five, fist bump, waving, etc.
✅Practice paying attention to when pets indicate they don’t want to be touched a certain way and respect that there are nonverbal ways that pets and people also say no.
✅Anything that isn’t an enthusiastic Yes is a No.
✅Share with this video and info with family and friends so they understand why you will support your child’s bodily autonomy ahead of time (They can decline grandma hugs, etc.)
The Bath Time Conversation Song (Mom, Dad, the Dr. & Me)
Quick Overview: Let This Song Start A Conversation With Your 3-8 Year Old About When They Need Help With Their Body. Talk about:
✅”Private and personal means we keep something to ourselves”
✅”Doctors can help us keep all of our parts healthy, including private parts”
🚩But Doctors can only touch you or check private parts when mom/dad/caregiver is also in the room
✅”I will help you take baths & get dressed when you need help”
✅Teach them how to clean and rinse their own private parts as soon as they become capable
✅Teach them to tell you anytime someone else tries to help them with their body
🚩Adults never need children to help them with their bodies
I’ve Gotta Go!
(The Gettaway Song)
Quick Overview: Let This Songs Start A Conversation With Your 5-10 Year Old About Exit Strategies, Peer Pressure, And Trusting Their Gut. Talk about:
✅”You can say no to any unwanted touch or activity, even to authority”
✅Talk about peer pressure, dares, & unsafe things others might pressure them to do
🚩Sometimes it is very difficult to say “No” talk about other ways to leave an unsafe situation (like saying, “I need to use the bathroom right now” or “Oh no, I’m late for (fill in the blank)” or “I forgot, my mom said I have to (fill in the blank) before I can hang out Bye!”
✅Remind them that if they are too afraid to say no, it is NOT their fault
✅Teach them about “The Uh-Oh Feeling” how your body lets you know you’re not safe (described in the song)
✅”Always tell anytime something makes you feel the Uh-Oh feeling and I will help you, because I love you.”
The Swimsuit Song (Safe Touch)
Quick Overview: Let This Songs Start A Conversation With Your 3-10 Year Old About Safe Touch vs Unsafe Touch.
Talk about:
✅Private means we keep something to ourselves
✅Teach which body parts are private (genitals, bum, breasts, nipples, and also their mouth)
✅Teach them the correct names of their private parts.
✅Reassure them its normal to be curious about bodies
✅And that you will answer all of their questions about bodies
✅Reinforce that every part of their body is good, there are no bad or gross parts
✅Remind them to tell you anytime someone is trying to share, show, or touch private parts and that they won’t be in trouble when they tell
✅Hitting, pushing, kicking, etc is also unsafe touch & they should tell you if that happens
My Safety Circle
Quick Overview: Let This Song Start A Conversation With Your 4-10 Year Old About How To Recognize Safe Adults:
Talk About:
✅You can recognize a safe adult by whether or not they follow these rules:
✅Safe Adults: Avoid being alone with children
✅Safe Adults: Don’t ask children to keep secrets from their parents
✅Safe Adults: Keep private parts private
✅Safe Adults: Listen to ‘No’
✅Safe Adults: Ask other adults, NOT children, when they need help
✅Safe Adults: Don’t share drugs, pornography, alcohol, vaping materials, etc. with kids, not even on accident
✅Safe adults are not “best friends” with children
✅If someone breaks those rules, they are not a safe adult
✅These rules also apply to older, more powerful children
✅Choose 5 safe adults to be on their Safety Circle, these are other people they can tell or talk to if they are worried about anything
🚩Remind the child that if someone in their safety circle breaks a body safety rule, they need to tell you or someone else in the circle right away
The House Rules
Quick Overview: Let This Song Start A Conversation With Your 3-12 Year Old About Habits That Reduce Risk And Protect Kids.
Establish Your Family Safety Rules. This will be one part body safety rules for kids to learn to follow, and two parts boundaries for parents to enforce with kids and other adults.
🚩In Person: Almost all sexual abuse occurs when a child is alone with a perpetrator. To keep kids safe, reduce opportunities for kids to be alone with an adult, an older or more powerful child (physically, intellectually, or socially), or media devices, (like phones, tablets, computers, etc.) & always supervise play. “No playing or using screens behind closed doors.”
🚩Ensure other adults in your child’s life understand & follow the Rule-of-3 when they are with children: safe adults avoid being alone with children, they loop in a parent/guardian when texting a minor, and any necessary private interactions occur within view of others. Hold these boundaries.
🚩Online: Exposure to pornography can groom a child for abuse, or train them to become an abuser themselves. Kids are also vulnerable to perpetrators through different social/gaming platforms connected to the internet. Teaching internet safety, online stranger danger, having passwords on all devices, keeping screens in public spaces, using an internet filter, and monitoring screen use keeps them safer.
I Know What To Do (When I See Pornography)
Quick Overview: Let This Song Start A Conversation With Your 5-11 Year Old About Pornography.
Talk About:
✅Safe Pictures: Pictures of people they love, cute animals, beautiful scenery, etc.
🚩Unsafe Pictures: Pictures that show people’s private parts
✅”Every part of your body is good, no part of you is bad or gross”
✅”Its normal to be curious about bodies, I will answer all of your questions about bodies”
🚩Looking at pornography is harmful for kids’ brain development & for their relationships. Remind them that you love them & you want them to have a healthy brain and wonderful relationships.
✅Ask them to tell you every time they see pornography so you can help keep them safe and healthy.
✅Check in with kids regularly and remind them of these concepts and your desire to support them, because you love them.
The Uh-Oh Feeing
Quick Overview: Let This Songs Start A Conversation With Your 3-6 Year Old About Their Body’s Warning Signs
Talk About:
✅Our bodies can let us know when we are not safe, its called the “Uh-Oh Feeling”
✅Help them understand what it feels like
🚩Anytime they are in a place where they feel the Uh-Oh feeling, they need to try to leave quickly if they can (See “I’ve Gotta Go” Song for exit strategies). If they can’t leave, it is NOT their fault
✅Have them come tell you every time something happens that makes them feel the Uh-Oh feeling
✅Reassure them that they can trust their Uh-Oh feeling. If something doesn’t feel right, it means something about the situation isn’t right. Encourage them to come to you every time to make sure.
✅If your child practices this concept by coming to you when there isn’t a real problem, practice showing them how you will react to them when they come to you. Use this opportunity to teach them a little bit more about it each time. These are practice runs and can strengthen their trust in you as their helper.
I Can Do Hard Things
Quick Overview: Let This Song Start A Conversations With Your 5-12 Year Old About Developing A Growth Mindset:
Talk About:
✅Failure is the rungs on the ladder to success
✅You can be good at anything if you’re willing to be bad at it for a while
✅That everyone make mistakes and its normal and necessary
✅That they don’t have to be perfect
✅That the effort they put into what they do, and the lessons learned are more important than the outcome
✅That sometimes progress looks like changing Plan A into Plan B, or C, or D
✅That failure is not the end and neither is success, its what we do next that counts
✅That its ok to make a mess if you clean it up
✅That if we can’t do something now, we can practice/work/plan/learn and get better at it “I can’t do it YET!”
✅That there is always hope and they can try again
✅That its ok to rest, take breaks, change plans, celebrate baby steps, and ask for help as they continue to work toward what they want
Tricky People
Quick Overview: Let This Song Start A Conversation With Your 6-12 year old about the red flag behaviors of unsafe people. Talk About:
🚩Tricky people usually look like normal people, not scary bad guys or strangers, think Prince Hans. They might be someone you know and who a lot of people like (There are many examples of tricky people in children’s movies. Point out some of the signs that could have given them away earlier in the movie if the other characters had known what to watch for, examples below:)
🚩Tricky people work to build trust with the child and their family
🚩They pay extra attention to & create opportunities to be alone with the child
🚩They may refer to the child as their “best friend” and/or have the child use their first name to create closeness and familiarity
🚩They buy gifts without an appropriate occasion/give sympathy/validation/social acceptance/popularity, too nice and too supportive, possibly while pointing out how unsupportive other people (like parents) are
🚩They are touchy (nonsexual at first)
🚩They share pornography/alcohol/drugs/ vaping material, maybe saying it was an accident
🚩They tell kids to hide things from parents (parents won’t understand or will punish), starting with innocent things like a treat, etc.
🚩They promise things that are too good to be true (this especially occurs with older kids on the internet, ie. free iphone, money, fame, big time audition, modeling gig, love/marriage, etc.)
The Lullaby
Coming soon…
Teaches kids that:
✅They are loved and cherished
✅Their future is bright
✅Nothing and no one can change their worth
✅They will face challenges but you will be there for them
✅Encourages them to follow their dreams
Subscribe to the Body Safety Songs YouTube channel HERE to be notified as this and other resources become available!
P.O.P.P.I.T.S. Internet Safety
Song coming soon…
✅P = Permission
Ask before you do anything online (play a game, click an external link, connect with someone, download something, or buy something)
✅O = Out in the Open
Only use screens in an open place where anyone can see
✅P = Pictures
Look away, run, and tell when you see unsafe pictures (pornography). Talk to parents or a trusted adult if someone sends you unsafe pictures of themselves or wants you to send unsafe pictures of yourself (unsafe pictures show private parts)
✅P = Privacy
Keep account settings, passwords, names, numbers, and locations private (phone numbers, addresses, bank account/credit card numbers, local landmarks, parent’s names, school names, birthdays, any information that makes it possible to locate or identify you)
✅I = Impolite
Be real, be kind, only say what you would say face to face to someone, if you see any bullying, tell
✅T = Tricky People
Watch out for people pretending to be someone else, offering things to good to be true, or asking for personal information, including unsafe pictures of yourself. Tell a safe adult if you do get tricked online. There is always help, hope, and a way out. Get help quickly.
✅S = Screentime
Unplug and spend time each day with friends and/or family, playing outside, doing other things you enjoy, developing your talents, etc
Subscribe to the Body Safety Songs YouTube channel HERE to be notified as this and other resources become available!